Halloween 2014

Halloween 2014 brought about Strawberry Shortcake and a little Witch.

This is the third year I have done photos of the girls in their costumes on our front porch.

They always turn out so cute - I think it will be a fun string of pictures to look back on!

As I snapped these and laughed with my two cute girls, I simultaneously felt a huge wave of sadness.

It's impossible for me not to think about the fact that Lexie was supposed to be in these photos too this year.

She should have been right there next to them ... maybe in a little bouncy seat or maybe Kennedy could have held her. Like so many times before, I could almost see it.

And like so many other times, reality hit me and for a second,

 it took my breath away. For a second, it was almost like it all just happened and that five months haven't passed. But as quickly as that deep sadness washed over me, I had to make it go because my girls needed me to be present and excited for Halloween.

And that is how life goes....rolling forward moving us along with it.

 I took these pictures with tears in my eyes but I smile at them now - at these two little goofballs.

While we were out trick or treating, I told my mom how it  was hard to take these photos this year and she said "Honey, I think you will always feel a hole in your picture frames now.

You will always think about her, always feel her."

 

I thought about it later... "a hole in your picture frames..." yep, that pretty much sums it up.

Our pictures will continue and our family will hopefully someday grow again but there will always, always be a hole now. Always missing that third little one because it doesn't matter if you have one baby or ten. Each one is special and each one is unique and when one of them isn't there, you feel it.

While it's sad, it's also lovely. Because every time I think about that missing part of my photos and I feel sad, I will also get to think about her and what a gift she was and feel happy she was mine...

even if only for a bit.